Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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