I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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