Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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