Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
