i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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