Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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