So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
