Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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