I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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