but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
