Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
