I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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