Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
