i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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