Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
