You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
