Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
