im holly from the hills drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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