Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love having hate sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
