Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
