Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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