i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
