I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
