i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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