I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
