I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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