All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
