tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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