great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
