1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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