didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
