It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
