Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
