also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
