Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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