Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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