I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize