Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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