ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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