He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
