How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
