Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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