You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Houston, we have a squirter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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