I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
