That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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