Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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