we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
