I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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