What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize