I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
