I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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