Don't you send me to vm
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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