Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
