he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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