So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
