My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Panties = found
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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