the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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