did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My liver just broke up with me...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
