The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
