i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
