The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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