please come you make the beer taste better
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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