spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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