You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
