i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
