you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
