Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
