I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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