i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
