Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
