??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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