you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize