4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
