I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
