yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
