I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
