How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
