Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
