This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
