we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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