I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
