i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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